The Greek Family

How many cousins do the actually have?

How BIG is a Greek family? That's a question you'll probably ask yourself after only a few days of your holidays in Greece. Funnily, the locals you meet during your vacation here in Eleftheres all seem to be related to each other as they refer to each others as "cousin", "uncle" and "aunt"...

The following text about the Greek family is an extract from my book "A year in Greece - the people, the food, the feasts" (Hellas - foket, maten, høytidene - året rundt). I wrote my first book about Greece mainly to answer all the question my visitors were asking me: Why are there so many small churches along the roadside? Why are all Greeks called either Maria or Nikos? What's the best Greek food?

How many cousins do they actually have?

When I first came to live here I couldn’t understand why we had to travel 70 kilometers to the neighbouring town to buy new tyres for the car when a shop just down the street sold the same tyres to approximately the same price. But then my husband explained that it’s his cousin who sells tyres in the neighbouring town. It really should be obvious that it’s very different buying from him than buying the exact same tyres from a stranger!

It’s fair to say that Greek society is based on the relationship a person has, not only to the members of his family, but also to the members of that extra network that includes one’s godfather and godmother (nonos, nouna), the best man in the wedding (koubaros, koubara), the children’s’ godparents, and even to people from your own village.

When talking about Greek family even the most remote relatives are counted – there are an enormous amount of “cousins” who in reality are second, third or fourth cousins – or the third or fourth cousin’s child or grandchild. And when you dare to question who’s actually related to whom the answer is normally something like this: “But darling, this is my cousin Maria, the daughter of Panayiotis, mum’s cousin; no, not the son of uncle Costas, but the son of mother’s aunt Eleni on her father’s side and my godfather Yiorgos!”

These are strong and almost unbreakable ties. They create relationships of give and take; you oblige yourself to help the members of your network and can expect the same help back. These ties also create a strong aspect of social control – there are so many people who are entitled to keep an eye on you and to interfere with what you are doing - not only your parents and siblings.

Nikos was running a restaurant on one of the islands, but itdidn’t go very well and finally he didn’t manage to pay either the rent, or the other expenses. He ran off from the whole business, and has never set foot on that island again – something one doesn’t talk too loudly about, of course. His godfather lives on another island and helped him find a new restaurant there. Not only that, knowing everyone on the island, Nikos’ godfather also introduced him to everyone he needed to know, told him where to do his shopping, what staff to hire for the restaurant and what workers to employ when something needed to be fixed.

Through his godfather Nikos became almost like a native. At least he wasn’t a total xenos, foreigner. Nikos pulled himself together in this new job since his godfather was watching him. But that wasn’t the only reason – if he had messed up again it would have negative consequences also for his godfather.

You buy things or services from people you are related to or have a connection with and that’s not always easy. My hairdresser Yiannis was building a house and complained about how slowly it was progressing. The master builder showed up for work one day and was missing for three. He used any excuse to leave early – it was too hot to work, too cold, it was raining or windy or the sun was shining in his eyes.

“Can’t you just fire him and hire someone else?” I asked.

“Oh no, that’s impossible, “sighed Yiannis heavily, flinging his arms open, brush in one hand and the dryer in the other. He looked at me in the mirror, a resigned expression on his face. “He’s my father in law’s koubaras.”

Then there are the ties to the place of yours or your family’s origins. Yiannis is one of the best known neurosurgeons in Greece. He works in a hospital in Thessaloníki but frequently comes home to the little village he was born to visit his old mother. I don’t even need to say that Yiannis is the village’s Big Son. Everyone takes pride in knowing him. When Yiannis is at home the house soon fills up with people from the whole area who want to benefit from his expertise. Whether they have neurological diseases or anything else they sit there in the living room, comparing x-rays and sickness stories while Yiannis’ old mother serves coffee and homemade cookies…

Some years ago the leader of the conservative party, Costas Karamanlis, married – an event he used for what it was worth politically, playing on his ties to both family and Macedonia. Karamanlis is the nephew of, and carries the same name as one of the biggest Greek political leaders and popular heroes. His uncle was born in a tiny village in Macedonia and when Karamanlis junior married he chose the church in this village, despite both his wife and himself being born and having grown up elsewhere. The wedding got full media coverage so that everyone in Greece got the message: Young Karamanlis is no longer a frivolous bachelor, but a grown up and serious family man. The wedding also became his opportunity to show the world that he comes from a family that fosters statesmen and that he’s is a Macedonian. All of northern Greece now knows that it has its man in Athens.

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